A jargon-free introduction ….

What is counselling / psychotherapy ? – An attempt at a definition

The counsellor or therapist seeks to provide a relationship in which you can feel free to talk about and explore your life problems, crises and ambitions and whatever painful struggles and difficulties you experience.

Most people agree that this works best when the therapist can be present and attentive in a warm, empathic, non-judgemental and genuine way. Within that basic framework, the counsellor/therapist makes available to you their psychological skills and understanding in such a way that puts your experience and your reality at the heart of the process.

Contrary to the traditional meaning of ‘counselling’ (in the sense of giving ‘wise counsel’), most therapists refrain from offering direct advice: instead of external solutions, they tend to focus on what possibilities and answers can emerge from within you. Many counsellors/therapists are, therefore, oriented towards your own – partially hidden or undeveloped – resources and potential and an idea of ‘becoming whole’ or ‘more of who you are’. However, on the issue of directiveness and expert advice (as on many other issues), you can find a wide spectrum of orientations within the field: from completely un-directive and client-centred (which suits some clients) to very structured, directive and therapist-led (which suits others).

Most counsellors/therapists agree that such a process needs certain boundaries, and will therefore maintain a warm and engaged, yet professional presence, which remains uninvested in whichever direction you take. This both serves to protect you and your process from possible exploitation, and to maintain the freedom which the therapeutic framework provides for you.

Within that basic definition, clients have widely divergent needs and so a wide spectrum of therapeutic approaches has developed over the last century, attempting to do justice to that diversity of people and the complexity of the human condition. It is difficult to give a simple definition whilst at the same time trying to do justice to the wide range of different approaches and – often contradictory – opinions.

Is it for me ? Can it help me ?

Many people find counselling and psychotherapy or some other kind of psychological help useful. The days when you had to be ‘mad’ to qualify for treatment are long gone. On the contrary: everybody seems to be into it in some way. There are hundreds of different approaches, so the question whether ‘it’ can help you, is not a simple one to honestly answer. It depends …..

What does it depend on ? The person you are and the person your therapist is – the ‘fit’ between the two of you. What you are looking for and what your life is like. What you need help with. The therapist’s approach and attitude, and many other factors.

To be up-front about it: there are also many people who have tried it and who say they found it useless, or – in some cases – even damaging.

I have said I want to give a simple introduction, but that does not mean there are always simple answers. There are also many people who surprised themselves: once they get into it, they found they wouldn’t want to be without it and wonder why they ever put up with NOT having it.

What is it ?

In nearly all cases you will have the benefit of friendly, neutral and professional attention. Many people go through crises in their lives without really having somebody to talk to. Or they do have somebody, but do not want to discuss particular issues. Many people accumulate distress inside (which sometimes attracts them to ways of ‘numbing out’ – alcohol, television and other blessings of modern life). We all have some experience of what a difference a good chat and a sympathetic listening ear can make. Now multiply that by ten, and you have good therapy.

There are some advantages which a therapist has over a friend: they are paid, so you don’t owe them anything. You don’t have to be concerned about evening out the friendship and keeping it balanced and mutual. You can selfishly take ALL the attention (which some people find excruciatingly difficult, it has to be said). But the point is: you don’t have to worry about maintaining the relationship (and most relationships do need maintaining). Plus, of course, the therapist is – at least in principle – neutral and uninvested and does not need you to be happy, or improve, or change. So, no pressure (at least in principle, and apart from that sort of pressure you put on yourself). Plus, most therapists are decent people and have invested an extortionate amount of time and money in training, acquiring both skills and theories as well as self-knowledge. So they should be able to bring some psychological understanding to bear on your situation. They have access to theories and knowledge which may be useful and enlightening; and in many cases, they have seen other people with similar problems like yours before you, so they have a reference point and something to compare with (which often you yourself don’t).

Put all that together, and the whole thing may be worth paying for.

Some therapy approaches work on everyday issues, some on the history of behaviour patterns. Some rely more on talking and the mind, others more on feelings. There are many differences of emphasis like that, which is why it is so important to get a good ‘match’ between client and therapist.

Most counselling and therapy works on the basis of weekly sessions for an hour (this can vary to some extent – longer sessions, or less frequent ones). You go to see your therapist in safe, confidential surroundings where your everyday life does not unduly impinge or interfere. You pay the therapist an agreed fee – unless they work on a voluntary basis or for an agency that offers a free service.

The main focus of the session is YOU and your life, your experience, your successes, struggles and failures as well as ambitions. Some therapists make use of the fact that your patterns are likely to keep operating even when you are in the session, so they may discuss that and draw your attention to it if they think this is the case. The therapist’s power is limited by the fact that you can leave any time (usually some ending period is agreed in longer work) and that YOU employ THEM – you are paying, so ultimately you are the boss. The therapist’s influence over you is greater the more desperate you feel and the more power you give them to help you (for example, by being very open and transparent – which is not always a bad idea). Most therapists adhere to some principle about refraining from giving advice or attempting to run your life for you. In comparison to the wealth of psychological ways of working, advice is not very effective nor generally helpful when it comes to feelings and the inner workings of the mind.

What is it helpful for ?

By its very nature, counselling or therapy is not that helpful for changing the outer world directly – it’s about helping you become aware of your responses and reactions to outer events. Clients often find it astonishing after some time how much they used to take their own feelings, assumptions, behaviours for granted – as fixed and self-evident. Human beings are very complex creatures, and there are many things going on in our minds which we do not all register. Most therapeutic approaches are trying to access the full potential and wealth of possibilities within you, which you may not be aware of.

Most counselling and psychotherapy is helpful for dealing with difficult feelings, thoughts, behaviours and relationships, wherever these appear in your life (home, family, work). Some are better than others in addressing deeper and more long-standing "stuff", but a minimum list of issues includes the following: depression, low self-esteem, addictions, relationship problems, difficult feelings:, anxiety/stress, self-harm/suicidal, trauma, shame & guilt, anger/aggression, difficult thoughts, negative patterns, obsessions.

How can I find out more ?

There are now many resources available to help you inform yourself further, and many of them are on the internet. Most of them are – or at least attempt to be – impartial, and some of them try to be comprehensive (without becoming confusing).

The websites of the Professional Organisations and some other web directories have some very useful information and guidance which I won’t replicate here. I have written a more serious and detailed introduction on the following pages, for three main reasons: to present a less bland picture (a personal perspective, but still aiming to be vaguely impartial); to address the shortcomings and pitfalls of our field in a more straightforward and realistic fashion (without glossing over the downsides, talking the whole thing ‘up’ and making it look more rosy than it is or any need for balance and professional reputation); and to be more comprehensive in the range of approaches represented (especially in terms of the verbal bias of most approaches).

As a next step I suggest that you look up some of the following:

• BACP (British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy) – try this page for information
• UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy) – try this page for information
• UK Directory for counselling and psychotherapy – try this page for information
• for Body Psychotherapy – try this page for information

If afterwards you have the stomach and interest for more, please continue with the more detailed introduction on the next page. Or you can jump to the more detailed section of further resources on this site, on the net and in books.